On today’s run ( which turned into a walk ) it looked like there were 3 moons in the sky. I thought that was quite beautiful- maybe one of the reasons photography strikes us so much is because we realise that the world that camera captures really is as beautiful in real life if we slow down and look from a certain angle. Also on my way back through the park the floodlights made it look like there was a big spider on the grass- giving me major Princess and the Frog evil spirits vibes. See above for photographic evidence.
Lent term is starting officially in a few days, though honestly I feel as though I’m already back at uni with all the work I’ve been doing for mock exams of which I only have one more left wooohoooo.
I won’t be returning to college this term due to COVID restrictions, which is extremely sad as I was really looking forward to going back having gained some sort of bearings in first term. But as with everything there are numerous ways to look at it, there are some benefits of working from home. However the mixed feelings don’t draw away from the looming disappointment. Perhaps I’ll feel a bit better further into term?
Working from home will bring new challenges. How to stay motivated? How to not stare at a screen 24/7? Distractions and home things? Ultimately how to balance an already really big workload with being at home. To some extent i’ll have to play it by ear but I think most of us at this moment of time are trying to implement some sort of ‘stay sane plan’. Look at the bigger picture Aatqa, it really isn’t as bad as you make out. For some reason we seem to attribute the most pain and suffering to ourselves, that is wrong but it also makes us feel better I think. Balance: how to find it, perhaps listening and looking more attentively. Not like the listening that goes out looking for problems, more of a kind that allows you to line up with the flow kind of thing. That probably makes no sense to anyone but me, lol why I am publishing these.
I hope these few coming months don’t turn out like limbo ones, though arguably objectively that is impossible as it is only in our perception of events that we make them meaningless. Meaning comes in every moment, even small inconsequential ones each hold their value. I’ve been thinking alot about Kyo Maclear’s book ‘Birds, Art, Life and Death’ lately, and I think she is right that worry is a constriction; even in the bustling city park where she goes birdwatching with her friend she can find that the birds live their free lives- you just have to look. Also ‘faces have a near unwatchable intimacy’, I don’t know why that has been going through my head but there you go.
I do want to develop a deeper sense of mindfulness, and though it wasn’t planned perhaps these months might be the best time to do just that, being away from the constant social stimulation of university life will allow me to focus. Every moment has its value.